The Dehli Woman Prayer and dedication to my fellow Female Virgos

This morning, I watched the BBC program India: A Dangerous Place To Be A Woman.



I wept within the first 5 minutes of the program, feeling unbearably nauseous and feeling my womb literally clench up from the inside. I immediately ran sobbing to my Oshun shrine, praying for the healing of this woman, for even Frida Kahlo, raped by that rail; for Karrine "lubricated with soap", for Marilyn, raped by the same doctor who aborted her babies and sterilized her; for Harriet Jacobs; for Aileen Wuornos; for Teena Brandon....for all women raped, defiled, tortured, impaled, for all those tender strong legs ripped open, all those cut and bruised knees cocked up at 45 degree angles in straps, stirrups, and ropes like animals, propped up on exam tables, hospital beds, jail cots, even diabolical altars....Glass Table Girls...


"behind closed doors they get poles so rigid"


"they put a car jack inside her..."


Men, with their juvenile destructive fascination with sticking things in holes...


I wept and asked, "Oshun, is that not why you exist? To stop things like this?"


and She told me very clearly:

No. Not to stop it, because that would take the Glory out of the Creator's gift of Free Will, and the Glory out of the trauma's Survival. I exist to stand in the balance to ensure its transcendence. See the strength of that woman, to live through that! The Inconquerable, Indestructable Woman-- that is the true meaning of Virgin. Just as Christ restored the Throne of Bride/Holy Grail Magdalene, releasing her from shame, so too My Love ensures no woman is defeated by this. There are women who have gone through these atrocities and more that still have good character, still find joy and self-esteem, still take care of their children, still don't "twerk by the milk", still don't manipulate men financially, still don't look for government handouts, still don't numb their minds with Love and Hip Hop but instead...still....we.... LOVE-- in the Christ-like, the Buddah-like, the Virgo-like, the Oshun-like sense of Unconditional Love as service to Mankind (shout-out to all my humanity-serving Virgos). Women who go on from rapes and don't just sit on the couch, on food stamps, feeling like the victim but who have business of their own, who get involved with the UN, who visit other countries to hear other women's stories and teach them how to Survive and transcend. Women who don't dry up like a raisin in the sun, her dream deferred. Women who don't hate all men and even all other women because they feel betrayed. But women who are brave and bold enough to Open AGAIN, to Trust again, to Love again, and allow themselves pleasure and give pleasure to others. Women who put a kind smile on to strangers spreading joy frequencies to triumph over the pain instead of the woman sitting behind the McDonald's counter or the doctor's office front desk popping gum stoically and rolling eyes and customers like they owe her something.


The Triumph Of A Heart....is what I AM. The glimmer of hope in every tragedy, the Will to Live that propels forward in any danger, the star still twinkling in the darkest sky, the One Good Memory even the most traumatized individuals can cling to and know the possibility of Peace. I AM the Promise of Peace, the promise of the sweet taste of water after crossing the desert-- I AM the assurance of Spring, I AM the infinite potential of pleasure. I AM the reason to wake up, the thing that makes life worth living. I AM the best reason you can think of NOT to kill yourself, the friend that makes you step back from that ledge, the best meal you ever had that you would request before the Last Mile.


I AM that sweet kiss of redemption when you pray at your deathbed. I AM the gold faerie dust of pollen, fallen over everything proving Life will always endure, renewed, and seeds planted will always take root.

Affirmations for Manifestation

I am powerful beyond measure my abilities and talents are endless i am an intelligent and passionate, creative beacon of Light in the world around me i am helpful and generous, compassionate and encouraging i am love itself, loving and loved i am irresistable and contagious in my joy i give, receive, project, and reflect happiness, peace, and enthusiasm i am purposed and guided by an elevated self towards a miraculous destiny that will impact many i am worthy, i am valuable, i am priceless i am paradise i am abundance I am heaven on earth i am the sexiest and most desireable and most desired i've ever been with every breath, my confidence, joy, and beauty expands i am exactly the person i want to be i am more attractive every day i do exactly what is responsible, beneficial, and helpful with my resources and wealth my body is a clean and inviting temple of purity, cleanliness, order, and bliss I am a fearless vessel for spirit i welcome the gifts of the spirits to speak through me i am confident and courageous, bravely embracing all of myself and bravely taking advantag of opportunities for expansion i am always in the right place at the right time ro receive and recognize great blessings that help myself and all i love i achieve everything i believe everything i believe is real and manifest i speak what i want and i have what i desire i believe in myself I am adept I am an Adept i balance my self confifdence with modesty perfectly i balance self esteem with gracious humility i amass great spiritual and material wealth and maintain stability, peace, and a spirit of humbleness i am resourceful, practical, and endowed with great common sense i have wisdom, perception, intuition, and insight i have excellent memory and am articulate, eloquqent with great ideas that will mobilize people i embrace and accept great opportunities for fun, elevation, learning, and communion i attract people, opportunities, and events to me that lead me to my greatest potential destiny i am a master at life i overcome all obstacles and i master all abilities i am interested in i am everything i want i am everything i love i am everything i need i am a nurturer and healer to myself and the world around me, including my wonderful children who themselves will be healers and leaders i accomplish all my goals and i plan them in vivid detail i make a to do list every day and achieve every objective i plan my actions for flawless execution, yet i allow myself spontanaeity to embrace ecstatic happenings and magical synchronicities because the universe wants to surprise me with the things i love what i visualize, i manifest and bring to life i am healthy in every way i bring health to everyone around me i have the wisdom to create my life i write down my wants, desires, dreams, and needs, and i watch them materialize around me every day i am alive with energy, vitality, and sexuality i am strong i am special i am beautiful and others love to be around me for my kind heart and engaging conversation i am a positive, empowering role model for girls and women i am a beacon of truth and protected by my integrity i learn by taking risks and i am rewarded with many gifts every cell of my body works in perfect harmony and ideal capacity i have more than enough at all times for myself and my loved ones i have so much i am always able to help others i am able to feel fear, know it as a motivator and indicator of the right path, and plunge myself into the action anyway the feeling of fear will always be rpesent to let me know i am strong enough to do exactly what i am faced with i think young and feel young i think helathy and feel healthy i ask as if i expect to get i am an undeniable talent i am a necessary voice my voice is always heard by others in the community and world around me i have complete faith and trust in the universe i am treated with love from everyone whose path i come across i am always safe and i keep my family and children safe i am a protector and providor i am a much loved friend and much admired thinker i am embraced by wonderful, powerful, positive, successful, wealthy people i love being surrponded by intelligent, smart, intellectual, artistic, creative, spiritual, and prosperous people. i love knowing that i amm a writer of words that move and inspire others i am so thankful that my ideas fill books and i am a published author of best selling manuals i help others i love myself i love my life and enjoy it more by the minute i am capable and worthy of love i overcome any falsely perceived i learn more and earn more i am an asset i am a business i own business i balance family, career, and recreation in my life every aspect of my life delights me i am so blessed to do everything i love i am so blessed to do what i enjoy and get paid for it i am so blessed that i have learned so many valuable skills for holistic healing i build self esteem and confidence in others i give and receive so much positive energy every day i am happier and happier every day i am healthier and healthier every day i am free i choose to be happy and i deserve to be happy every day is full of joy, rest, and contentment every day i do evxactly what i want to do as much as i want to i am so thankful all of my needs are met i am so grateful i have love to give i am so grateful i attract only happy, whole, fulfilled people i am so grateful i attract only ecstatic, uplifting, fun, passionate, safe, and exciting occurances i am grateful for everyone who has touched my life and made it worth living being happy and rich comes second nature to me i have always been destined for prosperity everything always works out for me everything always ends up right and happy for me i look at the positive aspect of every experience because i exist, the world has more love in it today every day i breathe, i radiate love that defeats all violence and evil in the world happiness is a journey i immerse myself fearlessly and wholly in every day i am happy i am healed i am a blessing every day my life improves in every wayi am always safe my spiritual guides protect, support, and bless me every step and moment of my life every moment is filled with moving beauty every breath i inhale fills my body with purity, strength, power, and healing i have abundance to spare and to share i am motivated i am a go getter i am an achiever i am a lover i am an artist i am a freedom fighter i a m a liberator i am a leader i am a teacher i am a student i am a master i am a success i am a testimony i live in the moment i am present I AM i release the need to feel approval from others and instead know with gratitude i am amazing and everyone wants to be around me and experience my energy all that i give is returned to me in many wonderful forms i am in the position to live the life i want i joyfully accept blessings of joy and abundance i radiate happiness and peace today is rich with opportunities and i open my heart to receive them my mind is clear and i always make the right choices i understand how billionaires and successful people think and i think accordingly and attract their success to me i deserve all the joy i can imagine joy and laughter overflows from me and everyone around me loves my enthusiasm i radiate passion and sensualitiy i am a child of Love; I reflect luxury and sensuality and everyone is attracted to me the healing of my womb is the healing of all wombs the healing of my heart is the healing of all hearts the healing of my mind is the healing of all minds i have power; i am power i am fluid, living in the moment my partner is the love of my life and center of my universe i receive reciprocal, mutual love, attraction, passion, arousal, and committment from my lover, partner, mate, and spouse i love my children unconditionally and immeasurably; they are secure knowing their mother wants and enjoys them my children and secure and trust in me, excited that they have such a special, fun, and comforting mother my home is a home my family and i are safe and cozy within, with an abundance of land and yard for growing medicinal herbs fruits and vegetables, and healing, cool, fresh, water flowing through every faucet, surrounded by nature and good-hearted neighbors i achieve my goals and dreams quickly and delightedly i am easily able to recall and retain information in my subconscious mind i am free from mind control, programming, and brainwashing, by subliminal triggers that are of any nature that i do not resonate with i am free from trauma and defeat i am a survivor, a victor, and Queen of all around me i only hold onto beliefs that support me , confirm my ori, and make me feel Divine i am the God in me; if i love the Divine, I love myself i create my own luck i remain humble the most important thing in my life is love, humility, and peace i can now create any reality i visualize these affirmations will create thought patterns that will bring me to success these affirmations are now giving me massive success and manifesting what i desire all i need is within me i am now filled with faith, certainty, and confidence i am now confident and assertive my passion is contagious my ideas are groundbreaking others will pay me for what i know others will seek me out from far and wide for positive reasons and for positive acknowledgement i am famous rather than infamous i am well-loved for positive deeds and contributions i am a Light Worker my gratitude is strong and sincere my face now exudes serenity and confidence other perceive that i know exactly who i am and what i'm doing others perceive me as helpful, encouraging, and wonderful to be around i am popular for positive reasons i am well loved in my family and community i am alert, refreshed, and completely relaxed every moment of every day

Choose Love. Choose Life. The Oshun Life.

The Power is within all of us to choose, in every moment, even painful ones, to choose to search and find the Love or the Good in it. Even trials happen to make us stronger, more able to endure in patience, and wiser with better character. Even suffering teaches us to appreciate tenderness and pleasure all the more. The sout, the bitter, the salty teaches us to appreciate all the more the Sweet. And even the smell of flowers ("mas flores Mi Nina") covers the stench of Death-- which has no power to permanently subdue but who is an Elegant and beautiful teacher of Transition, Re-shaping, and Re-Unification.

We reject, scorn, fear, cheat, run from, and regret Death. Yet Death, unlike everything in this world never betrays or disappoints us. She is always waiting, patient, romantic, consistent in Her watch over us....She's the only one you can truly count on to show up. ...and another smaller Faerie voice whispers to me: "yet, also Love..."

Meditation and Prayer 8/2/13

We should know no Duality. We should be fearless to do as Will in the Spirit of Love, the Name of Love, the Act and Deed of Love which is the Vanquisher of all Evil. Just as "no one makes an enemy of Water," all pain, struggle, hate, and evil is nullified by the very presence of surrendering, sweet, feminine, expanding, Universal Love. Doing as we please in the child-like Present-ness and Faith, does not imply or encourage selfish unchecked indulgence in all manner of whims, dark desires, greed, tantrums, whims, and arrogance as the Cold Elite do....I ask to be Courageous, not a Sadist. I ask to BE Life, not to steal it. I ask to be granted Divine Favor after my heart has been proven Worthy, not to "take advantage." I ask to be a Wise and Loving Leader to my Egbe in Orun, my comrades in Heaven, as well as the thirsty hearts on Earth-- yet I ask, my legacy left glowing for my progeny's inheritance, that when I arrive in Heaven, I will be Humble and warmly welcomed into the arms of my Mother, at the feet of Olodumare, the orisha, and touch the hem of the garments of the Christ Man-and-Woman Yashua/Jesus and Magdalene. Amen.

Musing on Sethe, 2013

Scene. Kitchen. 5 pm Sunset, pink silk seeping in through over-the-sink blind slats. Man and Woman at stove, woman backing away as man ignites the flame, minding baby on her hip. She swings the giggling sunset-pink baby girl, two altar shrines of Oshun and Magdalene barely visible, Spirit peeking in the background. The baby girl throws her head back in tickled gut laughter, milk-stained. The Mother quickly and ecstatically kisses the pale neck of the woman-child. Maybe a bit too lingeringly, a bit too sweetly, with an uncomfortably un-noticeable twinge of melancholy the Father subliminally picked up on unawares.

But he didn't know, for he hadn't read, that the Mother was so bittersweetly grateful that her child had no ring around her neck from blade or chain....

Is Cheating Inevitable? Commentary on Jennifer Keitt's radio show

This afternoon, I am listening to a special 2 hour radio block with Jennifer Keitt and Karrine Steffans on Atlanta's Kiss 104fm. The topic is Cheating and The Other Mrs. Below contains my commentary via facebook:

Do I feel cheating is inevitable? The cynical side of me,t he bitter, fearful side, the side fueled by the arrogance and insecurity of the Ego...that side sits, head in hands, defeated, and concedes, "yes", thinking herself unworthy of unconditional love.

Yet, the empowered side of me, the humble and loving side of me, the Oshun side believes that if a woman loves herself unconditionally, passionately, and with nurturing, she will attract a man who will love her the same. The Law of Attraction is real, and speaking into existence, naming and claiming, as the christian mothers used to call it, that is all real. When you truly love yourself, pamper yourself, KNOW yourself, you raise your frequency by BECOMING from within yourself, the kind of woman that deserves to be loved exclusively. In other words, how can you find a man to love all of you, flaws included, and desire YOU if YOU DONT KNOW YOU, if YOU don't love you. If you are sitting looking at the magazines, feeling insecure about the next woman, succumbing to the pressures of media Idealization, you are sending out signals to the universe that you feel the OTHER woman (whether down the street in booty shorts or on the magazine or red carpet) is better than you and more deserving of the male gaze or even YOUR man's gaze. then you subconsciously defeat yourself before you even begin. you begin to emit an odor of insecurity that men subtly pick up on and take advantage of. the other thing is, people only do what you allow or what you make them believe you'll allow. if you love yourself fully, you will let every man know before you are even intimate with you, how much you are worth and that you are NOT worthy of being cheated on because you are INVALUABLE, PRICELESS. then from the get go, he will know you are not the one to disrespect and he will feel by the confidence you give out, that you are worth keeping exclusively. but it starts from within, your mentality, your come across, your charm, your confidence, your conviction. it starts with you building a firm foundation of esteem so that you won't worry about "rejection" and cling to unworthy cheating men out of desperation because on that firm foundation, you'll stand secure knowing that the man who loves you like YOU love you is out there and you WILL attract him into your life because HE exists because YOU exist and if you are his divine reflection, he must come to you to find his reflection. but if you reflect "raggedy" men by condescending to a raggedy level trying to keep up with the loose women of the streets, you'll never be the wife lain on satin sheets. 

Women need to be PLEASABLE! Men run from bitter, complaining, frigid, demanding, unsatisfied women. Teach your men how to please you. Here's a secret Ladies, men WANT to please women, they are turned on MORE by knowing you are satisfied. If you are faking orgasm or constantly making him feel like he's not doing it right or always rejecting him and turning over, he will take his insecurities to the next woman who may pretend he's the king of the universe for those few moments. Women need to work to get themselves in order to leave their men unable to cheat. I told my husband "I am doing everything-- and I mean everything-- that I know the next woman can and will do. So I am leaving you NO excuse, NO good reason to cheat. If you still cheat, after I have done everything to please you, I know I have done my part and all my Wifely duties and at the end of the day YOU will have to deal with YOUR conscience and your God with what you know you did that you had no reason to" Since then, neither of us have cheated. "What you won't do, the next woman will" was a phrase my Mama said that always stuck with me and I determined never to let that be me.

You also have to have a man MATURE enough to know it is wrong to cheat even IF and when he does it. A man who knows with no illusion at the end of the day that the Other Woman is just a fantasy, not a reality. Let him know YOU the Wife or Main Woman you are the REAL THING!

Crystal Relationships: Fluorite, Exorcising the Ego, and Expansion

For about 3 years now I have used Yoni Eggs.

featured here on my altar that includes Mary Maagdalene's meditation box with the red rosary and Rose Quartz Yoni Egg, and Paquet for Shilibo made by my dear friend and mentor Karma Zain...and my Spiral Tarot :)

These amazing tools of shamanism and excercise are usually referred to as Jade Eggs, because Jade was the stone most widely used for its properties so powerfully corresponding to All-Purpose Women's Healing. The stones do, in recent times, come in an abundance of crystal and gemstone choices. Some of my favorites come from The lovely JewelzOfComfort Etsy store. I feel the Shop Owner to be an encouraging and uplifting Kindred. Today I want to talk about the wonders of  the Fluorite egg I ordered from her shop. Of course you know this substance is not fluoride the posion brain altering ADHD causing death flowing through your faucets that must be avoided at all costs however possible…but that’s another story…

Fluorite is a girl’s best friend. Well, this girl at least. This woman. This Womb of mine now purring like a single mother on a Calgon getaway at a luxurious tantric massage spa paid for as a gift by her bestie. I've noticed using my large rose quartz yoni egg helped me open to trust my lover more on a subtly influential level, helping me also to open my heart more and thus my womb, also instantaneously stopping the mystery of bleeding that used to occur every time I made love. But there were still more layers of healing to go through.

**photo courtesy my beautiful fellow SLC alumni Jasmine Burems at Honey and Gold

The medium Carnelian egg was a playful but stablizing and excitable fire friend inside me, increasing my desire….

...but the moment I slid the beautiful sea-green and ocean-blue swirling fluorite inside my yoni, I felt water.

my Fluorite snuggled in Moon's custom Rose Quartz wrap bracelet

Literally. I felt an almost cool, refreshing, swishing and swirling sensation almost of a cleansing soothing motion….I felt a huge increase in my sensitivity. It was almost unbearable at times because I would feel even the subtlest movements and a wave of arousal would come over me but not a burning frustrated aching desire but a yummy, sensual, languishing desire….I noticed great increase in lubrication during lovemaking the same day/night and so did my mate. I noticed I was also more sensitive and more easily gently and quickly aroused with my his member inside me. Now even the slightest touch gives me chills and sweetness gushes. I noticed also I could feel more wetness on the inside, the location of my g spot was much more obvious, I could easily feel pressing on it and a squishy feeling I’d never felt before and waves of uncontrollable laughter as well as the urge to block/hold pee would come (which, often confused, isn't pee-- it is the Holy Elixer of Life, the Amrita that is Female Ejaculatory fluid)….

...and I suddenly realized many years I have resisted pleasure, I haven’t trusted it, because this same feeling of surrender, of forced submission, of uncontrollable laughter that brings the urge to pee was TICKLING. As a child I found this frustrating, invasive, and traumatic when tickled because I felt my body wasn’t my own, I felt violated, small compared to the big adult holding me, held against my will, and that my reaction even though seemingly jovial was unwilling…but in the context of a relationship I'm in now where I feel safe to expand and trust and give my body over, I can let that unchecked, un-self conscious laughter and joy out that was strangled in the throat of my twisted childhood where lines were often blurred between adult tenderness and outright predatory molestation.

For awhile now, I notice my understanding of expansion has been internalized and associated physically and psycho-sexually with handing myself over, as the agony/ecstasy sung about in Bjork’s "Pagan Poetry". In my most intense orgasmic moments, I notice it is during an internal dialogue, an internal battle wherein I feel sometimes my lover is the knight and I am the damsel who resists being a conquest. One of the most powerful orgasmic moments early in the relationship...I felt the pleasure through the pain, the point of surrender, literally being loved into submission, but, trembling and resisting with all my might, “running”, all my muscles taut with guardedness, I screamed in my mind “why do you have to take all of that, all of me?!” from the depths of my soul. The healing and enlightening orgasm only arrived when I finally broke and surrendered, not caring about the "gender politics", him "judging me", or subconscious programmed "guilt" over some false feeling of being "too open" or "too loose" connected to being raised with the concept of being a composed Lady... I notice the more I feel myself giving into my love for him, the unconditional, serving, forgiving love despite my ego, I feel a battle, a shattering, as my ego feels threatened by having to “hand myself over”, or let him “take” something from me, due to past assumptions and programs about men’s superiority complexes…It's almost as if denying my ecstasy was somehow letting me “win” or somehow if I gave into my ecstasy at his hands I was somehow “weaker” as a woman and letting him “have the upper hand” which is a fallacy, an illusion that keeps many women from reaching full orgasmic potential. 

“I can’t let him see how crazy he makes me feel cuz then he’ll know he ‘got’ me”…why is this a problem? 

Oh. That’s right. 

Only because these girls have degraded themselves to empty relationships with casual dusty common niggas who will take advantage of you in such a vulnerable orgasmic state, instead of being joined in the alchemy of Divine marriage or Sacred committed union. 

At each level, I open wider, my legs, my mind, my heart, my soul…to him, to love, to bliss, to Spirit, to Source, to God/dess. I am the vessel—his, my ancestors’, and the divinities’….I open wider and I feel more and hand over more of me, or really of my ego or illusion of separation (as opposed to loving sense of selfless Oneness and Unity)….

I give more of what I’m afraid to give. I show more that I’m embarrassed to reveal. Only in truth and ugliness can true liberation and acceptance be found. If you’re making wild, maenad, demoness, excorcist faces during the throes of ecstasy don’t be embarrassed. That is the real you. The honest you. Are babies self-conscious? Do babies wonder with shame what their faces look like when they sneeze or cry or yawn or laugh? Just be you. Just BE. Experience your orgasm without resistance, without shame, and trust your partner’s love for you or better yet your love for YOURSELF because the man you have now, good or bad, is the man YOU chose for yourself on a conscious or subconscious level. Your frequency has subtly attracted this man to you so whatever he is, is in you as well. Our partners reflect parts of ourselves so we must take care and be mindful of who we intertwine our lives with because it could say more about YOU than them…. 7:07pm 3/5/13