I want hands all over me, reverently, adoringly; I want kisses
caressing me, cherishing…but I want as well to give you the same.
I cannot stand the
things I don’t say…
I should have stopped
you there. I keep hoping every time will be better than the last time. And
sometimes the next time is better than the last time…but really I let you even
though I know I’m not ready and that I don’t want to because I’d hate to refuse
you and give you the excuse to search for another…but truly because I keep
hoping every time will be THE time, the time I shake, the time I squirt, the
time I see God.
But it never is. And I
know it could be so much better. And I keep telling you, softly imploring you,
hinting at you…to please please me. To take the time, not just take your time.
The times I need you to go slow and open me gently and completely, you go fast,
break rhythm, pound too soon leaving my sacredness bruised. The times I pray you’ll
speed up, you’re either right there at my spot and I’m close to cumming if only
you’d slam relentlessly into Her because She’s ready but you don’t and the
feeling fades—that, or I’m just praying for it to quickly be over because I
don’t want to pretend but I also don’t want you to recognize the boredom in my
face and, besides, my legs are tired from staying up that high.
Why can’t we look into
each other’s eyes, get to really see? Why won’t you let me, let me, let me
softly kiss and lick and rub you up and down—and you do me the same?
I don’t know what of
me I resent the most: my lack of courage to say, to admit, I just want to stop
and that I feel nothing…or my heart so big and my care for your fragile ego so
much that I’d hate to place the shame in your heart of knowing you’re not as
much as you thought.
...
This is a journal entry from an anonymous repressed woman, a woman with desires that has kept quiet to "keep the peace." This is
a woman’s cry for help, for intimacy
from her mate. Unfortunately, this is a silent cry for help. This will remain
an unanswered cry for help, deepening
her resentment and bitterness, until the time she feels she should open up and
bravely admit these things out loud in the light of day, cards on the table, to
herself and her man. If a woman does finally make her feelings known to her man
and he still seems not to catch on, how does the dissatisfaction resolve
itself?
Lessons in giving:
Give to your love what you’d want them to give to you…do
unto others as you would have them do unto you…love each other as yourself. But
this of course has no merit if one does not absolutely powerfully love oneself
completely first! Be your own lover. Try sensual rituals with yourself where
you love and cherish and caress and arouse yourself. You can’t learn how to
seduce and intoxicate someone else if you don’t know what causes arousal in yourself, let alone another. You also
can’t show someone how to seduce and intoxicate you with their touch if, again,
you yourself don’t know what excites you…what do you feel like when you’re
aroused? What do you feel like when you’re writing in ecstatic anticipation?
What do you feel like when languishing in a sweet smelling and luxurious bath,
running your hands softly over all of your body—getting to know yourself? You
have to be able to respond to your touch before you can truly have the body sensitivity
to respond to someone else…also, you have to be able to know what touch of
yours incites a reaction before you can expect someone else to respond,
ecstatically and not just respond in revulsion, aggravation, or agony…now shock
is another arena, and can be tantalizingly delicious, but you don’t want to tow
the line between making a lover gasp in pleasant surprise and making them collapse
into hyperventilating tears or screaming and running for the hills.
When you feel frustrated that your lover is not giving you
the thrill you expect or crave, a great turn of the tables and what may be an
unexpected way to actually get what you want is indeed to GIVE IT! The law of
attraction maintains that what is put out is received. If you are giving out
neediness and lack of satisfaction, you will undoubtedly and inevitably continue
to manifest it. If you give satisfaction and pleasure, your frequency maintains
a level in the sphere of bliss and love even if—especially if—it is someone
else experiencing it at your service. The great Christ Yashua or Jesus and his
consort Mary Magdalene are two perfect embodiments of this empowering
servitude. [insert: the alabaster jar initiation which allowed, in turn, Jesus
to more fully give of himself to the world]
So give exactly what you want to your lover and it will be
returned to you. Kiss them the way you want to be kissed; lick their
collarbone, nibble their nipples, caress and rub and suck all the parts of them
as if it were yourself. Even outside the bedroom—serve them decadent drinks,
cook expertly for them and feed them comfortingly, assist them in cleaning up,
draw their bath, open their door (ladies even you can open the door for your
man especially when he has his arms full of heavy boxes or both hands full of
those trash bags you don’t want to take out!) but give them also compassion,
empathy, an open ear, hugs, compliments, encouragement, honesty, truth, and
education.
I know you might say “forget him! He doesn’t care about me.
He doesn’t take all that special time and effort for me so why should I do it
for him?” precisely because he does not. You need to give him a reason to see
you are worthy of that attention.
The woman in her naturally surrendering state (surrendering,
NOT submissive) is meant to literally “love you to life”.
She, Woman, is the maker of kings. Her thighs are the
doorways to initiation into the Mysteries of Wisdom’s Grace and Compassion’s
Strength.
She, Wom(b)an, is Water Bearer, washer of head and foot with
the tears of Mother and Lover; Sweet Healer adorns one’s head to beautifully
bear a heavy, stinging crown.
Like Mary Magdlene,
woman’s service of love is the highest and noblest power known to man.
It awakens one’s greatest strength and potential. It literally makes kings and
prophets of men like Jesus/Yashua, like Shango who received his crown and
kingdom from Oshun, like any king from the beginning of time has received his
blessing of installation to the throne from women or mothers. Even if not their
own mother, every woman by virtue of having a womb is a mother even if she has
not borne her own physical children. The womb is the potential for creation of
all kinds.
Conception is more than just the first stages in a child’s
growth and development, the birth of a human being…conception can also be
another kind of phenomenon: it is the ecstatic epiphany, divine inspiration
towards the carrying out or manifestation of an idea. An idea is indeed a
Concept—hence, conception. Many
regard this term as only applying to pregnancy, however, its truth is in
understanding that it speaks of creation from a thought. The Big Bang theory.
Our thoughts are very powerful. Science has proven thoughts affect
circumstances and spiritual teachers have taught “as within, so without” or
rather what one imagines or cultivates from the inside will reflect on the
outside.
Thus, again, the law of attraction. If a woman cultivates
and masters love from her inside—loving herself, pampering herself, loving her
womb enough to make it healthy and vibrant and clean through yoni exercises,
right eating and living—she will all the more radiate love to everyone and
everything around her. Then everyone around her will be compelled to give that
love back—maybe not directly to her, but at least to someone or something around
them—and literally send love all around the world in subtly increasing degrees.
It takes one to enact change—“
be the change you want to see the world” like the
old saying: “show and prove”….show that you are capable of giving all the love
and affection possible, and the universe and everyone around you will show
that, yes, you deserve to receive back all the love and affection possible in
divine reflection and you will receive it.
“give and it will come back to you/good measure/ press down/ shaken together/ and running over”
A woman’s service of love is multi-faceted: it is at once a
lover’s love, a wife’s love, a friend’s love, sometimes even a child’s love if
a woman really admires her lover and respects him as a man who can mutually
care for and teach her similar to a father figure. But the most important
aspect of a woman’s love is the maternal love. This is not to be confused or
taken the wrong way: this does not mean treat a man like a child or YOUR child.
This does not mean talk down to him or nag him or instruct him what to do. This
does not mean give him harsh words, criticism, or insult his intelligence. A man does not want to marry his mother—Freud
was a Eurocentric pervert whose doctrines do not apply to the indigenous
Afrikan or otherwise non-european mind so we need to stop applying his sick
theories to people of color when it only speaks to a culturally informed
psychological profile evolved over many centuries of euro-centric circumstances.
A man does not want to marry his mother, yet he wants a
woman to be maternal. This means nurturing, giving, devoted, unconditionally
loving, patient, indulging, and comforting. This maternal love is what will
bring the greatness out of this man. Like your mother, when she loves you
sweetly and believes in you and supports you and guides you gently to grow and
gives you a safe accepting place to be yourself—don’t you want to make her
proud? Don’t you want to do the best for her to live up to her best image of
you? This is what happens when a man receives love from a woman that cares for
him (this doesn’t mean CARRY him when you know he is just sitting on his ass
and deliberately casting his burdens onto and INTO you) and believes in him—not
one that points her finger in his face and snaps her neck and rolls her eyes
and says “nigga you aint shit!” all the time while simultaneously holding her
hand out for her “bills bills bills” to be paid.
A man comes to his greatness with the encouragement of a
great woman—the true embodiment of the biblical “help meet”…hence HELP, hence
assistance, hence service. [proverbs 31]
