This morning, I watched the BBC program India: A Dangerous Place To Be A Woman.
I wept within the first 5 minutes of the program, feeling unbearably nauseous and feeling my womb literally clench up from the inside. I immediately ran sobbing to my Oshun shrine, praying for the healing of this woman, for even Frida Kahlo, raped by that rail; for Karrine "lubricated with soap", for Marilyn, raped by the same doctor who aborted her babies and sterilized her; for Harriet Jacobs; for Aileen Wuornos; for Teena Brandon....for all women raped, defiled, tortured, impaled, for all those tender strong legs ripped open, all those cut and bruised knees cocked up at 45 degree angles in straps, stirrups, and ropes like animals, propped up on exam tables, hospital beds, jail cots, even diabolical altars....Glass Table Girls...
"behind closed doors they get poles so rigid"
"they put a car jack inside her..."
Men, with their juvenile destructive fascination with sticking things in holes...
I wept and asked, "Oshun, is that not why you exist? To stop things like this?"
and She told me very clearly:
No. Not to stop it, because that would take the Glory out of the Creator's gift of Free Will, and the Glory out of the trauma's Survival. I exist to stand in the balance to ensure its transcendence. See the strength of that woman, to live through that! The Inconquerable, Indestructable Woman-- that is the true meaning of Virgin. Just as Christ restored the Throne of Bride/Holy Grail Magdalene, releasing her from shame, so too My Love ensures no woman is defeated by this. There are women who have gone through these atrocities and more that still have good character, still find joy and self-esteem, still take care of their children, still don't "twerk by the milk", still don't manipulate men financially, still don't look for government handouts, still don't numb their minds with Love and Hip Hop but instead...still....we.... LOVE-- in the Christ-like, the Buddah-like, the Virgo-like, the Oshun-like sense of Unconditional Love as service to Mankind (shout-out to all my humanity-serving Virgos). Women who go on from rapes and don't just sit on the couch, on food stamps, feeling like the victim but who have business of their own, who get involved with the UN, who visit other countries to hear other women's stories and teach them how to Survive and transcend. Women who don't dry up like a raisin in the sun, her dream deferred. Women who don't hate all men and even all other women because they feel betrayed. But women who are brave and bold enough to Open AGAIN, to Trust again, to Love again, and allow themselves pleasure and give pleasure to others. Women who put a kind smile on to strangers spreading joy frequencies to triumph over the pain instead of the woman sitting behind the McDonald's counter or the doctor's office front desk popping gum stoically and rolling eyes and customers like they owe her something.
The Triumph Of A Heart....is what I AM. The glimmer of hope in every tragedy, the Will to Live that propels forward in any danger, the star still twinkling in the darkest sky, the One Good Memory even the most traumatized individuals can cling to and know the possibility of Peace. I AM the Promise of Peace, the promise of the sweet taste of water after crossing the desert-- I AM the assurance of Spring, I AM the infinite potential of pleasure. I AM the reason to wake up, the thing that makes life worth living. I AM the best reason you can think of NOT to kill yourself, the friend that makes you step back from that ledge, the best meal you ever had that you would request before the Last Mile.
I AM that sweet kiss of redemption when you pray at your deathbed. I AM the gold faerie dust of pollen, fallen over everything proving Life will always endure, renewed, and seeds planted will always take root.
