Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Lessons in Giving


I want hands all over me, reverently, adoringly; I want kisses caressing me, cherishing…but I want as well to give you the same.

I cannot stand the things I don’t say…

I should have stopped you there. I keep hoping every time will be better than the last time. And sometimes the next time is better than the last time…but really I let you even though I know I’m not ready and that I don’t want to because I’d hate to refuse you and give you the excuse to search for another…but truly because I keep hoping every time will be THE time, the time I shake, the time I squirt, the time I see God.

But it never is. And I know it could be so much better. And I keep telling you, softly imploring you, hinting at you…to please please me. To take the time, not just take your time. The times I need you to go slow and open me gently and completely, you go fast, break rhythm, pound too soon leaving my sacredness bruised. The times I pray you’ll speed up, you’re either right there at my spot and I’m close to cumming if only you’d slam relentlessly into Her because She’s ready but you don’t and the feeling fades—that, or I’m just praying for it to quickly be over because I don’t want to pretend but I also don’t want you to recognize the boredom in my face and, besides, my legs are tired from staying up that high.

Why can’t we look into each other’s eyes, get to really see? Why won’t you let me, let me, let me softly kiss and lick and rub you up and down—and you do me the same?

I don’t know what of me I resent the most: my lack of courage to say, to admit, I just want to stop and that I feel nothing…or my heart so big and my care for your fragile ego so much that I’d hate to place the shame in your heart of knowing you’re not as much as you thought.

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                This is a journal entry from an anonymous repressed woman, a woman with desires that has kept quiet to "keep the peace." This is a woman’s cry for help, for intimacy from her mate. Unfortunately, this is a silent cry for help. This will remain an unanswered cry for help, deepening her resentment and bitterness, until the time she feels she should open up and bravely admit these things out loud in the light of day, cards on the table, to herself and her man. If a woman does finally make her feelings known to her man and he still seems not to catch on, how does the dissatisfaction resolve itself?

Lessons in giving:

Give to your love what you’d want them to give to you…do unto others as you would have them do unto you…love each other as yourself. But this of course has no merit if one does not absolutely powerfully love oneself completely first! Be your own lover. Try sensual rituals with yourself where you love and cherish and caress and arouse yourself. You can’t learn how to seduce and intoxicate someone else if you don’t know what causes arousal in yourself, let alone another. You also can’t show someone how to seduce and intoxicate you with their touch if, again, you yourself don’t know what excites you…what do you feel like when you’re aroused? What do you feel like when you’re writing in ecstatic anticipation? What do you feel like when languishing in a sweet smelling and luxurious bath, running your hands softly over all of your body—getting to know yourself? You have to be able to respond to your touch before you can truly have the body sensitivity to respond to someone else…also, you have to be able to know what touch of yours incites a reaction before you can expect someone else to respond, ecstatically and not just respond in revulsion, aggravation, or agony…now shock is another arena, and can be tantalizingly delicious, but you don’t want to tow the line between making a lover gasp in pleasant surprise and making them collapse into hyperventilating tears or screaming and running for the hills.

When you feel frustrated that your lover is not giving you the thrill you expect or crave, a great turn of the tables and what may be an unexpected way to actually get what you want is indeed to GIVE IT! The law of attraction maintains that what is put out is received. If you are giving out neediness and lack of satisfaction, you will undoubtedly and inevitably continue to manifest it. If you give satisfaction and pleasure, your frequency maintains a level in the sphere of bliss and love even if—especially if—it is someone else experiencing it at your service. The great Christ Yashua or Jesus and his consort Mary Magdalene are two perfect embodiments of this empowering servitude. [insert: the alabaster jar initiation which allowed, in turn, Jesus to more fully give of himself to the world]

So give exactly what you want to your lover and it will be returned to you. Kiss them the way you want to be kissed; lick their collarbone, nibble their nipples, caress and rub and suck all the parts of them as if it were yourself. Even outside the bedroom—serve them decadent drinks, cook expertly for them and feed them comfortingly, assist them in cleaning up, draw their bath, open their door (ladies even you can open the door for your man especially when he has his arms full of heavy boxes or both hands full of those trash bags you don’t want to take out!) but give them also compassion, empathy, an open ear, hugs, compliments, encouragement, honesty, truth, and education.

I know you might say “forget him! He doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t take all that special time and effort for me so why should I do it for him?” precisely because he does not. You need to give him a reason to see you are worthy of that attention.

The woman in her naturally surrendering state (surrendering, NOT submissive) is meant to literally “love you to life”.

She, Woman, is the maker of kings. Her thighs are the doorways to initiation into the Mysteries of Wisdom’s Grace and Compassion’s Strength.

She, Wom(b)an, is Water Bearer, washer of head and foot with the tears of Mother and Lover; Sweet Healer adorns one’s head to beautifully bear a heavy, stinging crown.

Like Mary Magdlene,  woman’s service of love is the highest and noblest power known to man. It awakens one’s greatest strength and potential. It literally makes kings and prophets of men like Jesus/Yashua, like Shango who received his crown and kingdom from Oshun, like any king from the beginning of time has received his blessing of installation to the throne from women or mothers. Even if not their own mother, every woman by virtue of having a womb is a mother even if she has not borne her own physical children. The womb is the potential for creation of all kinds.

Conception is more than just the first stages in a child’s growth and development, the birth of a human being…conception can also be another kind of phenomenon: it is the ecstatic epiphany, divine inspiration towards the carrying out or manifestation of an idea. An idea is indeed a Concept—hence, conception. Many regard this term as only applying to pregnancy, however, its truth is in understanding that it speaks of creation from a thought. The Big Bang theory. Our thoughts are very powerful. Science has proven thoughts affect circumstances and spiritual teachers have taught “as within, so without” or rather what one imagines or cultivates from the inside will reflect on the outside.

Thus, again, the law of attraction. If a woman cultivates and masters love from her inside—loving herself, pampering herself, loving her womb enough to make it healthy and vibrant and clean through yoni exercises, right eating and living—she will all the more radiate love to everyone and everything around her. Then everyone around her will be compelled to give that love back—maybe not directly to her, but at least to someone or something around them—and literally send love all around the world in subtly increasing degrees. It takes one to enact change—“be the change you want to see the world” like the old saying: “show and prove”….show that you are capable of giving all the love and affection possible, and the universe and everyone around you will show that, yes, you deserve to receive back all the love and affection possible in divine reflection and you will receive it. “give and it will come back to you/good measure/ press down/ shaken together/ and running over” 

A woman’s service of love is multi-faceted: it is at once a lover’s love, a wife’s love, a friend’s love, sometimes even a child’s love if a woman really admires her lover and respects him as a man who can mutually care for and teach her similar to a father figure. But the most important aspect of a woman’s love is the maternal love. This is not to be confused or taken the wrong way: this does not mean treat a man like a child or YOUR child. This does not mean talk down to him or nag him or instruct him what to do. This does not mean give him harsh words, criticism, or insult his intelligence.  A man does not want to marry his mother—Freud was a Eurocentric pervert whose doctrines do not apply to the indigenous Afrikan or otherwise non-european mind so we need to stop applying his sick theories to people of color when it only speaks to a culturally informed psychological profile evolved over many centuries of euro-centric circumstances.

A man does not want to marry his mother, yet he wants a woman to be maternal. This means nurturing, giving, devoted, unconditionally loving, patient, indulging, and comforting. This maternal love is what will bring the greatness out of this man. Like your mother, when she loves you sweetly and believes in you and supports you and guides you gently to grow and gives you a safe accepting place to be yourself—don’t you want to make her proud? Don’t you want to do the best for her to live up to her best image of you? This is what happens when a man receives love from a woman that cares for him (this doesn’t mean CARRY him when you know he is just sitting on his ass and deliberately casting his burdens onto and INTO you) and believes in him—not one that points her finger in his face and snaps her neck and rolls her eyes and says “nigga you aint shit!” all the time while simultaneously holding her hand out for her “bills bills bills” to be paid.
A man comes to his greatness with the encouragement of a great woman—the true embodiment of the biblical “help meet”…hence HELP, hence assistance, hence service. [proverbs 31]

Women, it takes more strength to serve than to command. Takethe note from Destiny’s Child: Cater to your man and he’ll cater to you!

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